I remember when I was first learning about transition and being surprised at the idea of gay trans men who had previously identified as lesbian. Now, my concepts about gender and sexuality are much more fluid and I chuckle at the naïveté I had. Looking back, I think I just found it astounding that gender and sexuality weren’t the immutable foundations I thought they were. I was only just beginning to understand my gender evolution, and the idea of having to manage gender transition plus a shifting sexual orientation seemed hugely challenging. And yet this is what many trans guys experience, a concurrent evolution of gender and sexual orientation.
So, has your sexual orientation shifted since you started identifying as trans?
And, why do you think gender transition is often accompanied by a change in sexual orientation? Please leave your comments below.
I think one reason for sexual orientations shifting is because as we become more honest with who we are, we begin allowing ourselves to explore more aspects of our selves, including sexuality. I know a few women who’ve shifted from being heterosexual “men” to being heterosexual women. I know some who’ve shifted to being bisexual.
I myself am attracted to women, but I’ve begun noticing men. It doesn’t really matter in my case because I’m married-to a trans man. 🙂 We met and married before we each knew the other to be trans. 🙂 And we’re both asexual. So…there. 🙂
I think what we are looking for ultimately is a person that compliments us physically, mentally, and spiritually. As our combination of those factors change, what can be considered a compliment will change as well.
Being honest and comfortable with yourself makes you more open to people with that combination that you would have originally found threatening somehow.
This is sounding more mystical than I would like but I have yet to come up with a more “scientific” theory. Haha.
Before T, I had been attracted exclusively to women. Since T, I’ve caught myself fantasizing about some men occasionally but it’s nothing compared to the amount of time I’ve spent dreaming about women.
I’ve also found that it’s also a lot easier to get off thinking about the ladies (practically a guarantee) whereas sometimes nothing happens when I’m thinking about a dude.
And I just realized that the first comment I’ve made on this site is about my sexual behavior. Great how that works out. Lol.
So yeah, hi people. Love this place by the way. I check it at least once every other day.
-Ethan
I’ve admired, loved, and adored women since I was in elementary school. I always thought of men as brothers, not lovers.
Years and 5 weeks on T later, yeah, I notice guys more than I used to but not in a romantic sense. I’m at the stage of studying mannerisms just for my own awareness and enlightenment. I can safely say that I admire other transguys more because they’ve been through what I’m going through now and seeing them in all their manly awesomeness gives me hope.
Would I ever sleep with another guy? My answer before coming out as trans would’ve been a resounding, “Hell NO!”, but now I’m thinking, “Eh. If he’s worth my time, maybe.” It’ll be interesting to see whether or not my answer will change the further along I am in my transition though.
I’ve always been attracted to guys. My evolution is thus:
-Straight girl
-Bi-curious girl – not bc I liked girls, but bc I didn’t feel straight
-gay boi – liked boys, male or female
-tried to be pansexual, never got hot for girls (“You’re cute, smart, funny, but sorry, you’re a girl)
I recently had top surgery, and before it I thought that maybe once my breasts were gone I’d be able to like breasts on others. Not so. Now that I no longer have breasts I find them more unattractive bc finding them unattractive no longer equals hating myself. – oddly, I think I there can be an exception if the person w the breasts is a trans-identified female-bodied person.
So me now= “gay”(simplified) = I like boys who were born boys and boys who were born girls, and I’d probably like boys who weren’t boys or girls. I may also like male-leaning genderqueer females, but find less of an attraction to genderqueer males.
When I identified myself as trans, I opened my eyes to the queer world and to the various gender and sexual orientations. I used to have some rejection toward queer people before I came out so I think it was a big step for me to destroy that misconception that queer is ‘weird’. I still identify myself as heterosexual transman but right now I have a girlfriend who used to be a lesbian so I guess that would make both of us questionaries? I would rather not think about sexual orientations…
We all preach that gender identity and sexual orientation are mutually exclusive. They don’t impact each other. Period.
Eh… maybe a comma, right?
I asked my boyfriend about this, how would he identify his sexual orientation and he says, “Flexible.” He’s a trans guy who’s been with both cis-men and cis-woman and trans-men.
What he continued to say was that it doesn’t really matter what his orientation is because he’s an exclusive monogamous relationship with me. And this comment, while appreciated, makes me think about identity even more.
I went through a similar sequence of orientation as Ethan — straight girl, bi girl, lesbian girl, straight man, bi man, gay (?) man. I’m not sure where I stand on it now. I guess I agree with my man – it doesn’t really matter because I’m with him. And I’m in a place in my gender and orientation where I would say I identify as so many other things before mentioning my gender or orientation. “Hi, my name is Oscar and I’m a writer, or work for a non-profit, etc etc…” before I’d say, “Hi my name is Oscar and I’m trans, gay etc etc…”
Feel me?
Id say my sexual preferences have pretty much stayed the same…. Ive loved the ladies going back as I can remember.
I do notice guys more but that is because I am always studying them, watching mannerisms and admiring their bodies…but only on the WOW I hope I look like that someday level.
I think transguys can become somewhat obsessed with bioguys. Not really because they want to be with one, but because they want to be one. A bioguy is like a realife fantasy of who transguys want to be and these rational feelings get blurred with the sexual ones.
This is just my thought.
Or transguys have just become more comfortable with their bodies and can now open up to the sexual desire of being with a man, but not exactly as a woman anymore.
I find I can’t fill in a bubble on your survey!
It has and has not changed… previously I was uncomfortable identifying as a lesbian, but without knowing why. I was attracted to relatively femme girls. But I thought I was into having all the same things done to my body during sex as I wanted to do to a woman’s body. And that was sort of true, at that time and to a point. Until I figured out I was genderqueer, bordering on trans, and at the very least, simply not a woman-identified person. I became much more titillated by heterosexual, penetrative sex with a phallus, without knowing quite what that meant for me. Now I find I’m still attracted to relatively femme women, so my sexuality hasn’t changed, but I don’t want to be penetrated ever, at all, so it has changed. And I’m most titillated by wearing a realistic dildo and engaging in what my fiancee calls “queer heterosexual sex.” So who I’m attracted to remained constant, but what I wanted, sexually speaking, altered.
I feel mixed too as to which box to check.
I’ve noticed that my EMOTIONAL attraction to men has increased. I experience a real hunger that wasn’t there before.
Sexually? I’m definitely considering men and it seems more viable as a man because it wasn’t an interesting idea to me mainly – as a dyke.
i never really identified as a straight girl, but tried to fake it. Came out as bi, then dyke, then bi and also as gender free(under my breath). Now I call myself a queer man.
Well who I am interested in hasn’t changed, I am interested in girls, more in a pansexual way because I don’t discriminate based on their gender identity. But as a “girl” I identified as a lesbian, and now that I have began to tell people I feel male not female, I’m technically straight.
I think it’s the T that changes the attraction.
well, im the very one who u’re talking about. im a trans gay but identified me as a “lesbian” for a year. when i was 14, i felt im “really” different with other girls so started to find about it on the web. since my family n neighborhoods r conservative, i never imagined about “transgender”. all ppl around me said trans r frickin’ crazy (also they said transgender is same as mtf) but im not dirty or crazy at all. also, im not mtf either. soooo with no doubt, i thought im not a transgender. so finally, i defined me as a “bucth” cuz they put on men’s wear, cut their hair short. i felt sth wrong cuz i never fell in love with a girl. but.. (i guess it’s because i thought myself as a male though i didnt identified as ftm. n adults forced heterosexuality is right.) i felt kinda “obligation” that i MUST love girls…. n it took a long time to be honest 😛 even after i identified myself as trans, i kept forcing me to love girls.. n after a year, now, im honest. im a trans gay n there’s nothing wrong,now haha 😀
I’ve just recently come to terms with my male self fter a long internal battle and I’ve found that the more comfortable I become with it, and the more that people identify me as male, the more my perceptions of attraction have changed. The more I feel and become male, the more comfortable I become in my body therefore creating the comfortability with my always present attraction to the male gender.
I’ve always identified as lesbian because I felt it was the thing to do. This was mostly due to the male mindset and roles I took in my relationships, I felt that I couldn’t have that same mindset in a cisgendered hetero relationship. I’ve also found that any men I was sexually attracted to throughout my life, have been or just come out as gay.
It’s something that I’m still thinking about and is playing a big role in my life right now but I can still say with certainty that I’ve at least become far more accepting of the gender-fluid spectrum.
Before I started living as male, I was “hella confused”. I liked women, but I hated being with women- lesbianism kinda repulsed me. (I mean, in relation to me- not lesbianism in general.) So I only really dated men, even though I found women FAR more appealing.
I was never really sure what to call myself, but ended up just saying I was bisexual.
Since I’ve started living as trans, I think I’ve started leaning towards largely heterosexual, with pansexual tendancies. In other words, I’m mostly interested in women, but if I “connect” with someone I’m not going to care about their gender. So I’ve basically gone from bisexual, to kinda straight. It’s been an… interesting ride.
(There was also a period of asexuality in there, due to the fact that I was so uncomfortable with sex.)
I am a male in a female body. I fancy men. That is not the same as being a straight woman. Many people seem not to understand this. Grrrrrr.
My story regarding this is way too long. But, Yes, There has been a very significant shift. Though there were so many factors causing it I think, though I was not fully aware of all the factors at first, during the first year of transition. I changed the way I live since last year, Now I am more aware. I’ve been sober for 7-8 months now. Been on T for a little over 2 years, and now my sex drive has calmed down significantly. Last year I was seriously addicted to sex (masturbation), compulsive porn watching, etc. Which was BIZARRE for me… I mean, I always liked masturbation, but never with porn, I was completely uninterested in porn. Then suddenly in my late 20s, I had an addiction to porn, mostly watching Males. Which was a problem in the relationship I was in. Caused a lot of uncomfortableness (both internally and externally) which was NOT an issue for us the previous years together. (His own story is complicated and long one, too. too complex to explain here, but I’ll just say he was not declared Male at birth and was raised as Female and now lives as Male. He is not FTM and does not take hormones. He is IS. but his body looks identical as that of a transguy who is Post-T.)
He also said my behavior in bed changed.
Anyway, I don’t know what to say about my sexuality or the shift… I don’t feel “confused” particularly, as some people might think, especially non-trans straight people. I feel I do not fit into any sexuality term, so I prefer “Queer”. I could not explore my shift because I was involved in a monogamous relationship, so, it was merely with pornography.
What I want to add about that is maybe it’s because…. individuals on very high levels of testosterone (natural T or synthetic T, doesn’t matter), The desire for “no strings attached sex” is so much stronger with guys…. I never desired this kind of sex pre-transition, but after T, it was way to overwhelming, like insanely overwhelming. But now that I’m sober, I don’t know who is to blame, The fact I was never sober and abusing a substance, or the fact that I was transitioning. I drank a lot pre-transition, and I never slept with random people nor did I desire to have one-night-stands or anything like that. I was however highly sexual during my teenage years but I always wanted something romantic, monogamous, etc etc. But after T, I found that I could feel completely drawn to “anonymous sex” and these kinds of things I found disgusting in the past. Well, Now that I’m no longer “hyper sexual”, I still enjoy to watch porn, but it doesn’t have the same effect on me anymore. But anyway it’s always guys I want to watch, either FTM guys or nontrans guys. I like all kinds of genitalia, but I dislike breasts, they do nothing for me, they never did! Haha. But now I am obsessed with hairy people, lots and lots of body hair. Doesn’t matter the gender/sex, if the person is hairy, doesn’t shave their body, At least visually speaking, I find it extremely attractive. And yeah most women are not hairy, or not hairy enough for my tastes anymore. However I still love vagina! lol. I don’t have a whole lot of real life experience with men (born male or otherwise), A little, but not a lot. But the male body has become soooo overly attractive to me. The whole separation of love and sex is weird for me now. Because in the past love and sex were together as one in the same, but now, I completely understand how they are separate. And that in itself felt like an entire character change for me, which made me feel confused with myself.
Did anyone else experience this like “personality/character” change at all?
I mean, don’t take it wrong, I am still a romantic, sensual, loving, caring person, so I guess that’s why I felt so out of place when I was able to have all these new fantasies which were SO out of character for me. I had new “taboo” fantasies which I didn’t have before, things which would have been disturbing or disgusting to me otherwise in the past.
Has anyone else experienced these kinds of intense changes this way? I’d love to read other people’s comments on this. I didn’t want to get into too many details on a public message board, of course. But either way, it would be awesome to read some others thoughts or experiences because I’ve basically been alone with it all for almost 2 years now (I know, That’s ridiculous that I let 2 yrs pass without reaching out and talking with other trans guys about this, Haha.)
It looks like most guys with the shift were able to explore their sexuality with new partners. Did it feel natural and easy to have sex with a person you normally would not have felt attracted to in the past? Emotionally, could you connect with new lovers the same as Pre-T?
Have any of you missed sex with your “old body”? Sex felt so much better for me after T. (As I’m sure everyone would agree as well! haha)
Yep yep and yep. I have had a BIG shift, and I think its the T. I’m still in my first year on T, but this is the 2nd time I’ve started, and both times the same shift happened. When I stopped T before it all eventually went away. Came back ranging and hella strong since my 2nd shot. Crazy shit I never would have imagined thinkin about, and hell yes I think about nsa sex. I hav e to be really careful about what I let really turn me on I think, cause T acts on the brain in crazy ways. I’m married and have been for 14 yrs. Never thought about men, but I do now. Would really like to get it on w another ftm, but I’m committed, so too for me its porn. Never really was into porn either till T.. Can’t get enough now. Really does give one an interesting perspective on the male brain and sexual habits. I don’t think men are truly manogomous by nature after being on T… I know there are those that are, but from a strictly biological perspective? Just sayin…
I have definitely found my affectional orientation morphing over the years. From liking ultra high femmes as a young person, to finding myself mostly attracted to other transmen (pre or post op) in the last 20 years or so.
I have never been attracted to cis men, however, most of my best friends are cic men. This could change for all I know at some point in my future. It doesn’t seem likely, but one never knows and I have left to door open to infinite possibilities.
Maybe it’s because I haven’t started to transition yet, but mine has stayed the same. I’ve always been attracted to men, for as long and I can remember, and I still am!
Once I stopped pretending to be straight, I identified as bisexual, then lesbian, then queer/ genderqueer, then male, queer, and fabulous. I’m gloriously partnered with a genderqueer person. We’re in an open relationship and they keep encouraging me to sleep with other men. It makes me smile. I’m definitely more effeminate than I used to be. I might just call it comfortable in my identity. I start T in a month so I’m excited to see how things progress.
I personally had a shift, but that wasn’t from T or anything it was more of a shift in my way of thinking. I had a hard time coming to terms or even accepting being trans, or the fact that flexability existed. I had a lot of excuses for why it couldn’t possibly be, some of the more frequent ones were “Trans didn’t exist, people like that are messed up and damaged somehow, I’m just angry at sexism and want to be equal but twisting it in a different way, if I just try hard enough I can be a women I’m just over analyzing things”. I grew up with far too much hate and depression to deal with it.
I was closed off, and I didn’t believe that there was such thing as anything other than heterosexual or homosexual. Bisexual (or Pansexual) didn’t exist, it was simply someone who was “taking the bi train to gay town” or hopelessly confused. I also was never quite sure of my feeling towards men, sure there was that ‘spark’ but it wasn’t quite right, I didn’t like men the way “other” women liked men (as it turns out that’s because I like men in a very gay way :p). Add that to the fact that I also like women and naturally in my mind this meant I was a lesbian.
It was when I finally started to be honest with myself, which was a long personal journey. I had to truly learn how diverse, flexible, and unique people are and that no one is more “right” or “wrong”, and to do that I had to accept myself. That and there’s only so long you can rationalize away all those gay fantasies involving a sexy man (…or several…) before you get sick of all the stress and negativity.
Nope. I was Asexual back then, and I’m still Asexual.
yep, i fantasize about cisguys now and never used to. i was never into the thought when guys saw me as female. but being with a guy who is seeing me as male is a different story.
Sadly, I was pretty uneducated about transpeople when I was young. Like most (assumed) cisgendered people, I thought trans and homo was essentially the same thing. When I truly started to realize I identified with boys more than girls, I thought I was a lesbian. But I started to realize, when I hit high school, that I wasn’t actually into girls, and didn’t want to be some cheap male-imitation butch dyke. Because it wasn’t me; I was a BOY, not a tomboy. And now, I’m a young man. I pass almost flawlessly in the cisgendered community, but I don’t know if I might be easily read somewhere else. Anyway, lol, gay transboy, not lesbian. Er, maybe pan; I HAVE been into girls before, fooled around with quite a few but never had a steady girlfriend.
Nope still like women…always have and always will. I am not turned on at all by men. I had another transguy hit on me and that even repulsed me I really don’t like any aspect of it. Not a bio guy or a trans guy. Now a trans girl is a diff story but right now I am with a bio girl who I plan to marry one day. My feelings for her have actually increased over the time that I have found my trans identity.
I have always identified as queer, but since transitioning I feel like my mind has opened up alot more. I feel a thousand percent more comfortable with myself so I guess that has helped tremendously. I am and have always been very attracted to women but now I do not put limits on the possibility of letting myself explore and date throughout the gender spectrum. It’s like puberty all over again…just this time the way it should have been all along…lol.
I’m 58 and have always thought of myself as a heterosexual male. I’ve been with the same woman for 34 years. She was the confused one for a few years, but she resolved that for herself years ago.
🙂 Pansexual, known it for several years now after years of being made to feel all kinds of weird for not actually being like the kids around me in school suddenly noticing tits and cock (Did notice people with copies of Poe under their arm suddenly became AMAZINGLYATTRACTIVE). Coming out as Trans actually didn’t happen until after I’d left home with my ever-supportive, bisexual boyfriend.
Been happy and open with myself ever since.
My orientation has stayed the same. In high school, middle school… as long as I can remember, I have been exclusively interested in men. When I came out, I considered women, but just could not get into it. I still identify as a gay man.
i’ve never discriminated. i’ll shag anyone! 😉
After a lifetime of romance with female born/female bodied women, I began hormone therapy at 33 years old. Roughly 6 months later, I was ending my first relationship with a transman. Now? I find transmen most attractive, followed by masculine women, queer cis-men, and then finally non-queers who are just blips on the radar.
Why? I don’t know. I sometimes speculate that before my transition started, the most masculine thing I could do was sleep with women. Now that I’m comfortable with my own masculinity, I’m comfortable with my still evolving sexuality.
I am and always will be heterosexual. I don’t have a negative image of myself or my body anymore, and I love women. If your sexuality “changed” you need to talk to someone before you do something you might regret. If you don’t regret how you “changed” then maybe you are more in touch with your sexuality. If you don’t feel guilty with whatever you do, do it and enjoy life. However, I’ve met guys that seem to want something they think they are missing, and they think by having sex with other guys they can get it. You can’t get it from another man, unless it’s an STD. Ha.
Since I realized what was happening to me, and I mean after a long time of feeling different from other females, I have found myself leaning more toward being attracted to women and way less attracted to men. I haven’t start T yet but I find it interesting. When I was younger I had relations with both sexes. I’m not sure if I was with guys because I wanted to be one and didn’t realize? But I distinctly remember feeling drawn to girls and wanting to be with them. I just hate identifying as lesbian because it does NOT feel right for me.
I identified as lesbian shortly after I was raped at age 11. Before that, I was experimentally bisexual (considering I had learned what it was only a few weeks prior.) Some have actually said to me that being lesbian was my way of “acting out” and “protecting” myself against men and rape etc. Alas, that only made people want to violate me more but I was still very strongly lesbian (or so I thought. I had always had masculine tendencies when I was little as I had first “sat like a boy” when I was in first grade.) I had even had a girlfriend at one point when I was molested in my music class by three others I was teaching in the back room (it wasn’t strong molestation but they groped me none-the-less.)
Since then, I have identified as male and it took only a short few years to fully realize it and once I did I felt relieved.
I realized I was drawn slightly awry with my thoughts at one point but it is not an issue. During the time in the paragraph prior to my last sentence, I’d had a good ratio of 4-5 girlfriends and 3 boyfriends all of whom I cared for deeply. It was during the time I had my second boyfriend that I realized I would probably only ever enjoy sexual activities with him were I a man, thus causing me to realize I am really a man. At that point (now that my thoughts are caught up with themselves), I began to refer to myself as male and I thought to myself ‘Why not? I sing like a man, act like a man and generally appear like a man aside from DD breasts impeding my movement and life (oh yes, let’s not forget the vagina too), what’s to lose?’ So I did and it’s been quite enjoyable when people treat me the way they should. My one issue is people saying that just because I want to be a man means I should not have an attraction to them. While it is true that I have one to women, my attraction to pretty males that aren’t trying to be women is very strong (the japanese music style visual kei is a good example of this.) <— Many people have problems telling them apart if they aren't japanese themselves and tend to "fall for the trap" as it were heh.
I honestly don't think I will ever be attracted to an overly masculine man nor a man in drag nor a man trying to be a woman so I would assume it is safe for me to say that I am indeed straight since my main preference is women and that might not change depending on what testosterone does to me but I am sure it wont be too drastic since I was born with too much of it to begin with.
Thank you for taking the time to read my little autobiography there heh.
– Vale
My sexual orientation didn’t “change” per se, but my attraction to other men is something I feel much more comfortable with now. Before, when I would do anything with other dudes, it always felt like it was affirming my “femaleness” and that I had to pretend to be as “female” as possible so it was extremely uncomfortable and dysphoric (though I didn’t realize why at the time; just thought I was homosexual and that my attraction to guys was just me forcing myself to try to be straight).
I’m still more attracted to women and would be surprised if I ever ended up in a relationship with another guy, but I’d certainly be interested sexually, haha.
I came out as bisexual years before I came out as transgender (FTM), but I used to have a preference for guys even though I was attracted to women. Now, I’m attracted to men and women pretty equally.
I always liked men when I was living as female, and still do after 19 years post-transition. Partnered with a gay cis-man.
I did notice after starting T that I started *looking* at women (which came as a surprise!), and I still do enjoy looking – but really not interested enough in doing anything about it that I want to go through the whole courtship/pursuit thing. I suppose if the opportunity was dropped in my lap I might go ahead as an experiment 🙂
Funny story: I came out as bi some years before coming out as trans and my mum said that me being bi was fine as long as I only dated men…after I came out as trans she said, ‘It’s a good job you’re bi. From now on you had better only go out with women.’
But more seriously it was my bisexuality that helped me work out I was transgendered. I explained to several friends when still living as a woman that: ‘I feel gay when I fancy a man and straight when I fancy a woman.’ I thought (and so did my friends) that I was the only person in the world to feel like this, but at the age of 19 I heard about transgenderism and my sexuality suddenly made perfect sense.
The only difference I’ve noticed with T is that I am a lot more relaxed about sex than I used to be, and I don’t think that is entirely the result of being happier with my body. Otherwise, no change. I only actually had sex with one person before transitioning, I was so alienated by my body, and that one sexual relationship was partly inspired by a determination to be sensible and scientific and rule out an acute case of jealousy over my own virginity before I catagorically decided I was trans. As experiments go it was as successful as it was traumatic and my only regret (once I had stopped crying in corners etc.) is that it ruined what was otherwise a promising relationship.
I would say I definitely on the gay side of bi (or pan), especially when it comes to love rather than lust, but unfortunately I now seem to be considerably more attractive to women (especially transwomen) than to men, so have had a string of rather shallow and short lived relationships. Mostly I don’t bother involving other people in my love life at all. I also have a tendancy to fall for completely unavailable, even inappropriate, people, which is possibly my subconscious saving me from rejection by not making a relationship an option. This isn’t an especially trans phenomenon, though: anyone with body hang-ups can be afflicted thus.
Interestingly, I have never yet been attracted to another transman, which possibly makes me technically heterosexual! Weirdsville.
Before I started identifying as male, I went through a confused state of both bisexuality and brief lesbianism. Neither bothered me, as I’d always been extremely comfortable with the idea of any sexuality, for myself or others.
However, I had begun to realize it wasn’t the thought of being a lesbian that intrigued me, it was the thought of being with one’s own sex. During this time I went through a heavy stage of porn watching and masturbation – something I’d never really been that fond of before. It was then that I discovered the miracle of gay porn. It was this, actually, that spurred the thought that I was transsexual. Heterosexual and lesbian porn does nothing for me whatsoever, especially now that I’m a happy transman.
So now, I could confidently say that I’m a gay transman, and have been with my current cis, bi boyfriend for about a year.
I mean, I don’t find the idea of being with a woman repulsive, transwoman or au naturale equally, but it’s not something I think I’d persue very far.
In conclusion, yes, I suppose. Somewhat. Technically I went from straight, to bisexual, to lesbian, to bisexual again, then I transitioned and was a bit cloudy between bi and gay for a while, with short spans of asexuality peppered in between, when I just wasn’t sure what I wanted. Now I’m gay, with a bit of a bi tendency.
Hell, maybe I’m just pansexual.
I really dont know how to put a label to myself but I know I like men and there’s only been a few girls I liked its really hard for me to explain what im going through its odd because I don’t like girlxgirl or guyxgirl porn is it weird to say im a girl who feels,thinks,acts etc. A boy but I like boys. Am I straight or what its so hard to say
Yes, for most of my life I was only attracted to women. However since ive started testosterone therapy I have noticed a physical reaction to a guy i work with. Before i started T his body odor was simply “stinky” but since beginning transition when i get close enough to him to notice his smell, I get a strong physical reaction..I call it “instant horny”” it feels like being punched in the gut. Makes working with him a challenge. I am married to a pre-op transwoman, and she likes the fact that i come home from work with my “engine revved up” since she gets to put the car in drive. I have also noticed a change in fantasies, from mostly female to a mix of male and female situations.
Before coming out as trans I always identified as lesbian and, apart from two drunken incidents, only had sex with women. I did always find the thought of sex with men arousing in my head but found in reality it didn’t fit well with my feminist politics, ie. the men (mainly online and sometimes acquaintances) often found it arousing to have sex with a butch lesbian because it fulfilled their idea that all I needed was a ‘real’ man to sort me out!I never really came across the odd queer man who would maybe have not felt like this. However, since identifying as a man, this door has been sprung wide open for me. I’ve only been out a month but seriously look forward to the adventures ahead of me 🙂
I’d say it changed only in that I accepted myself as more masculine and started accepting that I was attracted to very feminine energy. Not diva-ish, but sweet femininity. But instead of exclusively being interested in FAAB individuals, I realized I could be just as attracted to men with that level of femininity. Sure took me a long time to get there! That firsthand experience really opened my eyes to the infinite dynamics of sexuality, and now I’m out as Pansexual – attracted to highly feminine energy!
I’ve considered myself as a bisexual all the time but I’m more interested in women. Men look nice, too but I could never imagine myself in a relationship with a guy.
I wonder if I’m now sexually attracted to a wider variety of gender expression because of testosterone giving me a good sex drive. I’m post-transition FtM 12 years. It could be more involved than that, but I don’t know the answer!
I’ve always only been attracted to men and since I’ve started living as male, I’m still only attracted to men. I went through a brief period thinking I was asexual because I didn’t want to be sexually active with a male partner, but once I realised it was because I couldn’t have sex as a woman, I knew I was really a gay man. When I’m on T, I don’t think that’ll change as I’m just not attracted to the female body in any way, it’ll probably make me stare at guy’s bums a lot more…
no, my orientation has not changed at all, ive always been sexually attracted to females and still am, and always will be 🙂
I have always liked men and that hasn’t changed. I’m still myself through and through….can’t wait to finally get on testosterone, though.
I find that I found out my sexuality before I found my gender identity. I grew up in a very “sheltered” home, and I still do. I think if I didn’t know what Pansexual meant or what it meant to be FTM, I would be very, very lost and more well, hurt than I am at the moment. – I am deffinatly romantically attracted to people, despite their sex or gender identity, sexually? I don’t know yet.
People’s orientation can’t change because of a hormone. The only thing that changes is that some people realize they’re attracted to a broader range of people and are more comfortable with themselves. The increased sex drive probably brings out latent feelings. Think about it- if T made people gay, every bio-male would be gay.
@Eli Yes, the poll question isn’t about testosterone, it’s about identity.
My orientation seems to have changed, yes. But I think it has been underlying all along, but a psychological mechanism has prevented me from being fully aware of it. I feel more free to be me now that I am becoming physically the person I couldn’t be for so many years. Being outwardly something you’re not can inhibit emotional development, and it’s only now that I have realized the extend of this mechanism. For years I thought I didn’t have a sexuality – even as I was fully able to find satisfaction when I was alone – because I couldn’t relate it to other people and would feel a devastating insecurity at the very thought of being with another person. It is great to finally see life beginning to open up to this part of me as well.
Very interesting poll.
As an asexual, my sexual orientation hasn’t changed (still asexual).
But as I become more comfortable in my gender, my romantic orientation has opened up to many possibilities. Most noticeably, I can see myself being with a guy. As many mentioned above, this is because I am no longer confined to being with him in a “heterosexual/woman” role which felt very wrong to me. I actually feel more and more identified with gays – gay guys and gay girls – with gay being more just “queer”
I’ve been through a long journey of trying to figure myself out and I’m pretty sure I’m not any where close to being done yet but so far I’ve gone from being a straight-female to a bi-female to a bi-male and kind of stayed there but I most definitely lean more towards guys.
I feel a bit bad for saying so but my attraction towards woman is predominantly physical rather than as a possible emotional connection type relationship partner possibility…deal…thingy. Er, yeah…
I lean so far closer towards men that I just say I’m into guys only. It kind of takes a certain kind of woman to attract my attention anyway.
I don’t like labels because I feel they tend to carry a lot of baggage so I don’t refer to myself as “gay”, just like back when I was really questioning I never liked the sound of calling myself a “lesbian” because of the stereotypes. I hope that doesn’t come off as prejudice sounding. It’s just how I feel.
I’m what girls like to call “boyfriend material” and there has definitely been a few times I’ve had to tell people “sorry, you’re cool and all but I’m into guys”.
All in all, I also believe that you never know who you might fall in love with. The heart wants what it wants and so on… Life sure has thrown me some real surprises in my lifetime.
You know, I’ve read so many tales of guys whose attraction to other guys increased or materialised after going on T…it was a bit different for me! I already identified as pansexual, but I’d always had a sexual/aesthetic preference for men while most of the people I genuinely fell in love with were female. However, after a few months on T, my lust for ladies just EXPLODED. Now my sexual attraction is pretty much equal across the gender spectrum, and I fantasise pretty indiscriminately in that regard! Strangely enough, I think my romantic/emotional attraction to other males has increased to even that score as well! I don’t know if this is all to do with T or simply my natural emotional development as a human being, but there you go.
I used to just tell people i was a lesbian because it was easier. but in recent years exploring the FTM transition, ive realized that im.. wow.. ok. in my head, im straight. i like girls ive always liked girls never liked guys. ive always thought of myself as male so…guys like girls right? the term lesbian bothered me because i didnt think that way and i still dont. havent started T yet but i want to, and i have a dashing hero complex.
thats basically me in a nutshell.
My sexual attraction has not changed BUT my label has. I have always been attracted to men and I still am, just as I have always known I was male, regardless of some screw-up in the womb — working on that part. However, where I was born in a female body and was considered heterosexual. I am STILL sexually attracted to men, even after 5 years on T, so as an FtM I am now considered a gay man.
I came out as bi/pan before I even realized there was a word for the genderfeels.
It’s hard to say, though. I’ve been a tomboy since grade school, so it’s not like the genderfeels haven’t been there since practically forever. I’m not sure where that translates to “identity,” though, because that seems like it requires more self-awareness than I had at the time.
“Bisexual” was used a lot in high school, so I consciously identified with that (and then pansexual) before I even started processing the genderfeels. I didn’t even know there was a word for that (“transgender”) until college.
The genderfeels have been there since before I had a sexual identity. So… saying my orientation hasn’t changed since identifying, while it’s the most accurate, is also a little contradictory and a little incomplete.
I went from identifying as straight growing up (although all if the men I was attracted to were gay), to Bisexual in college to Gay after being on T.
I think my sexual orientation is consistent, it’s just my understanding of how to term it has shifted. I didn’t know about it being termed ‘asexual’. But as far as I know, by actually feelings haven’t changed.
I don’t necessarily believe my sexual orientation has changed. Rather, I think I went through what many bio gay men go through. Denile, I guess. I know growing up I was attracted to men, but I refused to admit it. Somewhere inside I knew I was a guy, I just didn’t know exactly what to call it, and because I was so confused about my gender and sexual orientation, I called myself a lesbian. However, the women I found myself attracted to looked more like men.
I met my boyfriend three months after I started transitioning, and from there I started on a very long and complicated journey on what my sexual orientation is. I know that I am more attracted to men, and to most people around me, I am a gay man. People like labels, and it just makes it easier than trying to explain my feelings. I do find myself attracted to a wide range of gender.
To put another perspective to this subject, my boyfriend who has no desire to transition has also found himslef attracted to a wide range of gender when he was orginally attracted only to men. So I don’t think it is hormones that force this chnge in attraction, nor do I believe that only trans people experience it. I think that it has something more to do with how open a person is to gender. And anyone can experience this if they just open their eyes. All in all, sexual orientation does not exsit. Labels exsist. And that sucks.
I knew early on that I was attracted mostly to men. I’ve only fallen for a few women over the years, compared to over a dozen men. I’ve always felt comfortable with my orientation and I still do.
After I called myself trans, my definition of genders changed. Now I’m attracted to people with a masculine element to their personalities. They tend to identify as men but not always. It’s a moderate change.
“I remember when I was first learning about transition and being surprised at the idea of gay trans men who had previously identified as lesbian.”
I had a similar reaction. Surprised, confused, disappointed even. I strictly policed myself around any attraction to men or fellow transmasculine people. But that has definitely evolved. Not only am I comfortable with the idea of trans faggotry, my understanding of my own sexual drives has changed. I’m not a trans guy in the sense most people are, I’m genderqueer (id as both male and female) and I describe my sexual preference as queer. Depending on where my gender identity falls in a given moment, I may be engaged in fag sex, lesbian sex, bisexual sex… but never straight. Nothing I do is non-queer.
I learned to separate sexual and romantic orientations. After transition, I identify as asexual lesbian: I’m interested in romantic relationships with women, and am not interested in sexual relationships with anyone.
Unfortunately, more than one of my HRT providers found the concept of being happy with no libido incomprehensible at best, and repeatedly ordered changes to my HRT with the goal of “correcting” that. The changes didn’t increase my libido, but did succeed in bringing about serious depression.
Where to begin,…
I ALWAYS identified as male, from earliest memory on. I’m FTM, and still identify as male. Before, I had ZERO libido, and thus NO attraction to any sex/gender at all.
I’ve been on T for over 3 months now, and BAMMO!! Suddenly I have a non-stop libido, and find myself – who HATED my own pre-trans DDDs – attracted to BOOBIES!!
At the same time,…. I find I’m having sexual dreams about being with BOTH men and women together.
I do not think of myself as gender queer, or gay, or even bi or pan. I AM a male, and I have a strong libido now, that I never had before.
I recall that during my cis-puberty, I never had sexual dreams or fantasies; now I can’t take a breath without one happening, and sometimes they do get really unusual or odd; I have decided that it is in large part due to the T, as it does increase – or even create – the libido.
I was always more “one of the guys” than anything else, I tried dating guys because it was expected – but it felt wrong, and It made me sick, trying to be something I KNEW I wasn’t.
Now, I find myself unwaveringly attracted to women. I sometimes notice other men, but more in a “Wish I looked as good as he does” way.
Does it stop the sexual dreams of having both partners? No. Will things change as I continue on T? I have no idea. Will I ever try sex with a guy?
I never did that pre-trans, because just the thought of it made me physically ill; now, I don’t really know. I never really had sex, outside of one experimental “Let’s see what all the fuss is about” attempt with a bi firend – and then, I still saw no attraction to sex – lack of libido.
I have friends who are gay, lesbian, bi, and pan.
I have no partner, and really at this stage, am not ready for a partner – busy sorting my T self out before I bring another person into this. I am taking this ride as it comes, so I really don’t know where it will lead me.
But I do know I am- and have always been – male. I just got the wrong gendered body at birth.
It has taken me 4 decades to get where I am now, and likely another decade to get through this second puberty is ahead. I am amazed at the changes thus far, and can’t wait to see how much more my body will begin to match my mind. I do know I am no longer clinically depressed 🙂 and am much, much happier now.
My personal idea on my sexual orientation is just this:
After a lifetime of NO sexual drive at all; I suddenly have a non-stop libido; so of COURSE it’s going to go whacky and explore every potential option out there in order to discover what feels right.
Until I do explore, I won’t know what feels right, so… I’m just a guy who’s really, REALLY horny all the time.
BTW, growing up, sex was NEVER discussed, period. It was a major taboo, in my parent’s house. I learned about that in health class, in 7th grade. Biological reproduction. Nothing about romance, or attraction. Maybe that’s still shaping my personal views, as regards myself.
I said yes, but it both has and hasn’t. It actually shifted during HRT, and I went from lesbian to lesbian asexual: I like romantic relationships with women but have no interest in and do not want a sexual relationship.
I can’t really say for sure myself as I’ve just started identifying as FTM and am starting to transition. I seriously doubt it’ll change my asexuality, but as for romantic attraction, we’ll see.
I always identified more with guys than with girls and never really felt that I was cis, but I never questioned it. I just always accepted that as a part of who I am, though I didn’t know the terms for it. However, I assumed that by default I was heterosexual, despite never really being all that interested in cis guys – it was mostly because I was taught that I’d end up with a cis man and possibly have a family and all that. I tried dating cis guys a couple times during high school because I thought it was expected of me as a “girl” of that age, but it felt wrong to me. I’d look in the mirror afterward and say to myself, “What are you doing?” I’ve always looked at cis guys as more of inspirational figures than sexual/romantic interests (kinda like Aaron J and Isaac were saying).
After starting to identify as asexual about a year ago, I’ve opened myself up to the possibility of romantic attraction toward a wide range of identities, but still have no real interest in cis guys outside of aforementioned aesthetic appreciation. As for who I do have an interest in, I probably won’t know until I explore.
Seriously, BEFORE I identified as trans I thought I was asexual or something. I just ALWAYS felt uncomfortable with love/romance/physical contact, and couldn’t even THINK of it without feeling horrible. I loved the idea to be a parent, but the thought of having sex scared me more than ANYTHING (I just kept telling myself that’s ‘normal’, etc. and it would go over once I’ve done it)
Now I actually feel a lot more open to actually FEEL love towards someone. I never considered myself gay, and a lot of ‘gay man turnons’ don’t touch me, but a while ago I met a fellow transguy who I now, for the first time ever, am in love with. I figure it also has to do with him being trans as well, so I know for sure he will accept me as a man, regardless of my plumbing and (currently) feminine face and voice.
Before I identified as trans I was honestly thinking I’d die alone, never being able to love someone EVER (I could like men/women aesthetically, and ‘friendship-ly’ but not romantically). Now I feel like I can be more who I am, it’s like something has been ‘freed’ inside me, and I now actually DO have a romantic/love interest.
My first time of transitioning was so confusing.I did not differentiate between gender identity and sexual orientation because i was experiencing these feelings for both cis-gender men and gay men,cis gender women and trans women.AT he end of it I just remained alone because i thought i wasn’t normal. This made me take four years with out dating anyone.After serious reading and researching about the different preference for Trans people,I realized “I WAS NOT SICK” I just needed to understand and respect my feelings.
Am a pre-orp trans man but most of the people think I have already had both my top and bottom surgery. The only challenging bit of it is the continuous tips from gay men,trans women and cis-women.This is a journey that is teaching me a lot of diversities.
Am proud to be Trans.
I Love women and I started when I was in 2nd grade loving women and became a lesbo, then wanted to be the real me ..a male,,, jus wished I had a real penis…anyways I never thought I would want to do a man again but I do. I had sex with a man 2 times to make sure I was a lesbo lol..Now I have been on T for 7 years and have no breast and now I want to have sex with a man again.. Now I understand others feel the same, so now I think i’m changing to Bisexual.. jus certain guys get my attention and I’m thinking about getting in touch with the first guy I was only “sex” with. That T must have some crazy shit in it to make ME feel this way LOL. Ive always loved Femm women anyways and still Love Women!!!!!! I’m jus wanting a male every once in awhile…sheesh
hey there guys, like many people here i’ve felt that i was not supposed to be a girl from an early age, though i did not find out i was actually a trans guy until i was about 12. this caused me depression and i’ve tried to kill myself multiple times bfore i found out what i actually was.. anyways, i feel this might have something to do with my sexual orientation as well, somehow, other than being trans, i`m also autistic, so i dont really like being around people much, only sometimes i feel lonely and need company, but i often prefer to keep my distance, and no touching me please. what i like most are male bodies because they resemble other animals more than female human bodies, and i’ve always loved animals, you dont often see a dog with large breasts for example, even female dogs often dont have breasts. so in a physical side i`ll always prefer males, but that does not mean i dont like girls, i’ve totally fallen for girls multiple times, but in their case, it’s their personality that attracts me. girls often tend to be more soft and understanding than guys, and i like how i can talk to them more freely than i can with most guys. because of that, feeling attracted to both genders, even in different ways, i consider myself a bissexual, i could go for either boys or girls, and that has never changed as far as i know, that is a part of what i am
I haven’t started transitioning yet, but I’ve always been attracted to guys as a gay male. I’ve never dated guys because I hated how much they viewed me as a female, even before I knew I was trans*. I am attracted to girls, but I’ve never related to straight girls either so I tend to gravitate towards queer/genderqueer females. I could only see myself being with a guy after I transition and if he could truly see me as male.
I’ve always been interested in women but I’ve only dated a cis-woman once- until I later found out that the others I dated were closeted trans-women. No matter what they look like on the outside
I’ve never been into masculine men, the idea made me feel queasy as a kid. I don’t mind being with feminine men though.
The “strangest” part is that I love penetrative sex, I just want a woman to do it to me instead. I know I’m in the minority but I like having both male and female parts. The idea was hot to me before I started T, and I still find it sexy.
I was a lesbian before FTM transition and I am a FTM lesbian now. Love transmen who love queer women since I love queer women myself. This answer probably wont make sense to a lot of folk, but to those it does — you know what I mean jellybean!
Before I even realized I was trans, I wasn’t sure what my sexuality was. I would constantly go back and forth between lesbian, straight, and bisexual. I think I had an interest in women, I just didn’t feel comfortable being with a woman at the time. It’s been almost 2 years since I started T, and one year since my mastectomy, and I can definitely say that my interests have shifted a bit. Before coming out, I always figured I would just end up in a relationship with a man, or male-identifying person. Now? I am only interested in being casually intimate with men, and am far more interested in long-term relationships with women. I’m sure it has a lot to do with being more comfortable in my own skin now. My sexuality has always been a fluid roller coaster 😛
Lets just say I would’ve been more apt to have a sex with a male (under extreme circumstances)pre-T than now. I’ve always been turned on physically/emotionally to females, and have had plenty of casual and serious relationships with females and I’ve also had sex with boys when I was younger (I’m in my 50’s). Always called myself a “man in a woman’s body”. Always considered myself a heterosexual male, but was stuck in the lesbian community. After starting my transition my body scent changed and at THAT point the male pheromone turns me completely and totally OFF. I am attracted to woman STRICTLY; never to a male. I don’t even like it when men are attracted to me; it makes me physically nauseous. I never use to be like that.
Honestly…both sexuality and gender orientation are kind of a gray area for me. I identify as a demiboy which means I’m on the male side of the spectrum but am still kinda agender and maybe gender neutral to some extent (although I definitely want to transition, no question)and since I’ve started to accept myself as trans, I can say that I’ve had my sexual orientation change. I think it might actually have to do with accepting the whole concept of variance both in romantic/sexual attraction and gender but I have definitely found myself attracted not just to women but to androgynous people (and romantically attracted to other men) since I’ve recognized myself as trans and have thus started labeling my orientation just as “queer”. For sure both gender and sexuality can fluctuate–I might be attracted to men in the future and I might only be attracted to women in the future, but the important thing is not trying to limit yourself to one thing or another. Just be with who is going to make you happy, y’know, whether that person is nonbinary, intersex, male, or female. Do what’s going to be best for you in the long run.
I first came out as lesbian to my family and surprisingly everyone was fine with it, but not that I’m out as trans I’m getting a more adverse reaction than I thought. I’m dating another trans male and I’m finding that it is the most satisfying and emotionally fulfilling relationship I’ve ever been in. Even when I was out as a lesbian I never used that word. I still always said “gay” because lesbian never quite felt right. So I guess I’ve just shifted to a different kind of gay… I’ve found myself looking at people more for who they are now. And not worrying so much about my orientation. I’m just happy and out and in love and that’s all that matters to me. 🙂
I’ve always been attracted to boys, no question. My orientation hasn’t changed since I’ve started to identify as trans. I guess it’s because I’ve always thought of myself as a boy, even before identifying as trans. Whenever I think of sex, it’s always with a boy as a boy. I’ve never been attracted to girls, and I don’t see that changing. I’ve always thought of myself as gay, even when looking and living like a girl. To me being straight was liking girls (which I didn’t) and being gay was liking boys. I used to worry how I was going to tell my family that I liked boys, then I would stop and tell myself that I looked like a girl, so really it wasn’t an issue. Thinking about it now, makes me wonder why it took me so long to identify as trans.
In my journey one of my biggest challenges has been personal honesty vs. expectations. I can not remember a time in my life that I was not male, my body did not reflect that. I have always been attracted to other males.
As a child I did everything I could do to meet my parents expectations, I was a very girly girl. It felt dishonest, I was not a girl I was just playing it for my parents.
When I reached my teen years I became more and more masculine. I cut my hair in a crew cut or shaved it all off. I wore male clothing and finally started to walk in a manner that felt more natural to me. I began to identify as a lesbian and had relationships with women. This again was a situation of honesty vs. expectation for me. Though I had deep emotional bonds with the women I was involved with, I had not a lot of sexual attraction to these women. I was a woman that was butch therefore I must be a lesbian, but, my primary attraction was to males. I did not admit to this to anyone but to be perfectly honest I have always been a gay man. I have always felt that I had to be what other peoples expectations of me.
As a child, Daddies Fairy Princess.
As a Teen to late twenties, Butch Lesbian (Dyke)
Neither was true. Maybe it was how I was raised or some other thing but I have always been a person that has never felt that I deserve to be honest with myself or others. I felt that no one would love me unless I was who they thought I was.
When I started this journey into becoming a man, it made me free. It has given me the strength to finally come out as my truest self. I am a Proud Gay Man.
Though it may appear that becoming a trans man has radically changed my sexuality or identity the reality is it has done the opposite.
It radically changed my honesty. I at no time believed that I was a liar. I feel that the person I have truly lied to has been my self.
I hope this makes sense to someone else but this is my truth.
My ex was absolutely convinced I’d turn into a straight guy if I started taking hormones. Seemed really silly to me because I’ve always been bisexual, more interested in people based on their personality, mannerisms, common interests and sense of humor than gender or physical attractiveness. I wonder how much of this shift is due to age, rather than hormones or anything else? Lots of my straight males friends have opened up to me about wanting to sleep with men as we apporach our late twenties.
The more comfortable in my own body and gender identity I become, the more pansexual I feel. I was never attracted to more than a handful of women in middle school and high school and didn’t ever think of myself as a boy, even though I was always envious of the guys I knew. I sort of decided I might be bi in college and really tried to celebrate womanhood but never seriously considered, at the time, ‘other’ women as an option for dating or sex. Now that I know I’m a transman, I feel much more free to think outside my own past choices. I don’t feel like hormones had anything to do with this either, but I do get a huge confidence boost from having more muscles and a masculine appearance with binding and or packing!
Even now, I am generally more attracted to women who are a bit more tom-boyish or androgynous as far as their own gender expression goes, but the body and gender matter FAR less to me and I like the idea of being physical with many more kinds of people. So the types of women I have crushes on now are fairly similar to the gals I liked when I was still young and “a girl” but there’s not a feeling of being limited by my own issues with being perceived as a lesbian, I suppose? Not sure how being a straight cis girl is more/less feminine than being a gay woman, but I am primarily attracted to men, so it was more the default choice at the time…
I feel like I’ve been a 5 on the Kinsey scale (that is, a slightly bi man who is primarily attracted to other men, or ‘homoflexible’) since I was capable of attraction, although it took until after my transition to recognize that I was not a 6 (exclusively homosexual). Altering my personal definition of who I was, that is, recognizing my gender dysphoria as such, did help me recognize other feelings for what they were.
What I’d be more interested in polling is whether trans guys have felt like their orientation changed after starting testosterone. I’ve heard from a couple of trans guys who have said that was their experience.
I was surprised to find my sexual orientation changing as I transitioned. I was always bi/pansexual, but leaned towards men romantically and women sexually, though more of my experiences were with men. Now that I am transitioning, I am finding myself more and more heterosexual. I don’t think I am actually heterosexual, as I have a boyfriend I love very much, but my attraction to women ha increased immensely. I feel like transitioning has freed me from some of my internalized homophobia and allowed me to have sex the correct way, as a man. Now that I can actually enjoy sex, I can begin to figure out what I actually like. I never thought my sexual orientation could change so drastically, but it is comforting to know that I am not the only one.
I actually recently raised this question to another group of transgender people that I interact with. The responses were fairly mixed, but nowhere near the extremes that I myself seem to have experienced, thus far.
I went from believing I was straight and I had a couple of straight relationships pre-transition, into changing into that I’m probably some kind of biromantic post-transition, then I met my current partner who is a ciswoman and that put a huge dent in my already confused sexuality. I have never prior to transition felt any sexual attraction or interest towards women and I thought especially lesbian sex as I conceived it pre-transition, was not particularly hot or interesting.
Nowadays I consider myself something like a demisexual panromantic kind of person a.k.a. I don’t have any specific sexuality. I seem to usually react more strongly and finding men more likely to be hot or good looking when they are, but sexually, I seem to react more strongly to women and female body parts nowadays. In retrospect I don’t think I was never much into men, physically.
I still feel largely confused about my sexuality.
I feel my sexuality hasn’t really changed at all. Before identifying as trans and transition, I was mostly attracted to women, with very little attraction for men. I had a few platonic crushes on boys, but wouldn’t really be able to date one. Afterwards, it’s… well, the same.
The main difference is that, having understood how gender works, strictly speaking I would be pansexual rather than a lesbian or slightly-bi, but even then I feel very little attraction towards both cis and (post-transition) trans men.
(I do feel attracted towards pre-transition trans men, but it would do us no good getting in a relationship with me knowing I’ll be less and less attracted to them if they transiton! )
I feel that humans are “sexual” & that attraction is fluid. (Please keep in mind I identify as Demisexual)
I, myself, have been stumbling along this twisting path before & now, during my transition:
1. “Tomboy Lesbian”- ( Stuck as female, tried to embrace it while being attracted to women.)
2. “Gender fluid lesbian”- ( Exploring my “male” side but still attracted to women while rejecting all attractions to men.)
3. “Fabulous Transboi”- ( Been diagnosed & feel free in soul but not body. Being overly “out” & obnoxious about my newfound identity. Playing with the idea of being a gay man but feeling confused/ashamed & turning to women for comfort.)
4. “Human”- ( Been on testosterone 6+ years & starting to understand in depth I’m a person, not a label. Have a boyfriend & have been in this relationship for 4 years, longer than with any female & am starting to find happiness with the joy of loving someone because of who they are, not “what” gender they are.)
5. “The Future”- ( Whatever may come, so be it. There in no handbook to life & I can’t truly understand myself at my current point in time because I have lifetimes in front of me but looking back, I think I’ll be ok.)
As I said before this long spiel, humans to me are confusing, fluid, sexual beings with each of us looking to find our own ways & if an individual is happy with where they find themselves & their feeling that’s fine too.
Change is natural, unstoppable by most accounts & beautiful.
I first realized I was a gay man inside, about 30 years ago. A man’s brain attracted to men. In a female body. And Freud’s poster child for penis envy. Always wanted a dick and that goes back to, like, 5 years old. But I’m really old compared to most of the people here so when I first had this realization there weren’t as many options socially. This was mid-1980s. The surgeries were inadequate, and still are! Which ticks me off actually. Why no progress in 30 years? Anyway, I went on testosterone pellets for post-menopausal joint pain and had many of the same experiences you guys report. I’ve always loved pornography especially men men men! But the increase in libido was an eye opener. There were days I could hardly function I was so horny. Suddenly I sympathized with the male condition in life! It’s rough being a teen boy. Ha ha! The T dose is low compared to transition levels, but enough to open my eyes. And … this is interesting … I’ve never been attracted to women. Emotionally yes, but not physically. Ugh just not at all. But recently I had my first sexual fantasy about a woman. Looking at some twitter site with big-busted women I suddenly wanted to reach out and touch them. Ha ha gotta be the T. I’ve not “transitioned” and not sure I want to. But exploring it. Keep up the good fight, one and all!
To simplify, I identify as gay. Well, mostly gay. Though I’ve seen other gay trans guys report identifying as a lesbian in the past because they didn’t want to be perceived as straight/were in denial, I was somewhat different. I did identify as a lesbian at one point – but that was because I was exploring, and I quickly realized that I like men. When I discovered that I like only men, and was not bi, it hit me: I’m a gay man. I don’t know why that is the one to hit me, but it did. I guess I just knew I wasn’t straight, and so kept avoiding it. However, for a several year period of time, more than 3 years (as I have identified as a FtM for around 3 years, almost 4), I was repulsed by lesbian sex and believed that I was only 100% attracted to men, and had no attraction to women. I guess I really didn’t want to be seen as a lesbian. I mean, people have told me to “stay female” when I told them I’m trans FtM and am attracted to males. However, more recently, I have realized that I have a slight attraction to women, but only to certain women. Creepy goth girls especially, the creepier the better. I generally like trans women that look like women/are pretty and feminine, and trans guys that look like men/are moreso masculine than feminine, though I don’t mind men being in skirts or something. Makeup turns me off mostly, unless it’s creepy. I like creepy goth guys too. I like trans women who have male genitalia and prefer trans men who have female genitalia, unless they have had a phalloplasty, then I have no preference. I hate how medioplasty looks. I find about 80 to 90% of men attractive, and would be sexually interested in 60 to 70% of men (doesn’t mean I’d sleep with all of them, just that I find them sexually attractive). 80% of men are an 8 out of 10 for me. Probably only 5% are a 1 to 3 for me, while the last 15% lie somewhere in between. I now like watching lesbian porn too, though I love gay male porn and sometimes straight porn. I like bisexual porn (when there are both males and females, but they react in both gay and straight ways in the porn). On the Kinsey scale, I’m mostly attracted to men, rarely to women sexually wise. Romantically? Only men. I’m grey romantic (meaning I only occasionally fall in love), and I have only fallen for 2 people, both cis men. One was gay (he was not attracted to the trans part, I understood, and it’s been tearing me apart since), the other straight (he doesn’t know I’m trans yet, and I’m pretty sure we’re still dating). I’m going to tell him that I’m trans soon, but only once the relationship gets much farther. The gay guy was the oldest person I’ve ever dated, and the straight one one of the 2 youngest. I’ve dated men who are gay, bisexual, and 2 who are straight (one told me he was bisexual and wanted a penis pic from me when we first met; obviously I didn’t have one to give lol, but then he later told me that he is straight and is repulsed by gay sex, which I find interesting. I don’t like that he often sees me as a girl, either. We’re currently not dating). I was always attracted to men, and I’ve never considered dating a woman (besides feminine trans women), though masculinity does generally attract me. Not too much, though. That can get annoying. Lol. I could only see myself in a long-term relationship with a man, preferably a cis man or trans man that can top me, and I want kids too, so probably the cis man. I was always more attracted to men, and I’ve always wanted to be male, including me going up to my mom as a little kid and saying that I want a beard (she tried to convince me not to by showing me pics and saying that it’d make me look like a man, but instead it convinced me more lol) and boy’s underwear. I’ve also felt phantom penis syndrome, and I have never been on testosterone. Also, I like boobs, but not female genitalia as a whole so much. I love male genitalia and chests, and I love butts of both genders, mainly male. In conclusion, I mostly lust after men and only love men, and I rarely lust after women, let alone never feel romantic attraction for them. I’m not too romantic in the first place anyway. Also, I just feel more comfortable around men than around women, and that’s also because almost every person who has sexually victimized me (including attempted rape by one girl), physically victimized me, intimated, or otherwise hurt me, have been cis girls. Sorry, I still am friends with girls, but I feel much safer around men, especially since men have in general been more accepting of me and I connect with them much more, in basically all sorts of relationships, sexual, romantic, friend, family, etc., except for my sister (we’re close). Otherwise, I love men more and feel more connected to them, and I’m a proud gay man who happens to be transgender.